Monthly Archives: April 2016

Not My Mother’s Life


Getting Married is Not An Accomplishment – Natalie Brooke – Huffington Post

As my last semester as an undergrad comes to a close (student teaching not withstanding), I can’t help but wonder what my future will bring.  I finally came to the conclusion that I will have to create my own path.  There is no template in my family for what I am about to do.  My mother, and my grandmothers and great-grandmothers before her, married by age 21 and became a mother by age 24.  I do not know what single-parenthood looks like on a daily basis.  Am I confident that I can handle being a single mother?  Yes.  Is that what I intended for my life?  No.

Add in the process of becoming a foster parent and then adoption, and I am clearly in uncharted territory.  Fortunately, I’ve been preparing for this most of my life, and I am fortunate to know several people who have adopted and served as foster parents over the years.  I have resources.  Add in the fact that most of my family lives nearby, and I know that I can do this.  I also have a wonderful group of women with Turner Syndrome that I can lean on for support too.

In fact, a comment by a fellow woman with Turner Syndrome really made me think.  Her statement summarizes what I’ve been feeling for much of my teenage years and then my adult life and nails it.

“What feels lacking is the status given to women for their fertility – and precious little else.  I think we are in the *perfect* position to blow that ideology back to where it came from and help people learn of different ways to make a family and make a life.”

Unless you’ve lived through infertility, I don’t think people recognize the extent to which women are still valued for their fertility.  That brings me to the article above.  As a society, we celebrate marriages and births.  Women are still largely defined through family and marriage.  While privately our family and friends might celebrate our academic and career accomplishments, they are not celebrated in the same way in our society.  Why not?  Who says that one has to marry to create a family?  That may be ideal, but it just might not work for everyone.

Why should I wait until I meet the right man before I pursue my dream of having a family of my own?  I already spent ten years with someone who was not right for me in the hopes that we would get married and start a family.  It turns out that he did want a family, just not with me.  As difficult as those lessons were, I am much stronger for it.  After letting go of that relationship, I was finally free to start pursuing my dreams again.  It wasn’t that my ex prevented me for pursuing them.  Instead I found myself holding back until the timing was “right” and focusing on “us” when there never truly was an “us,” at least not as how I perceived it should be.

Frankly, I would love to meet the right man, someone with whom I can share my life.  If it doesn’t happen, it isn’t the end of the world.  As I go through the process of becoming a foster parent and adopting, I am going to focus on myself and what I want out of life.  I am in a position to create the life that I want.  I might as well make the most of it.

quote jk rowling

What’s Next? – Part 2


Few things are most frustrating than feeling ready to move on to the next chapter of your life, and yet, there are several loose ends to take care of before being able to do so.  That is exactly what I am experiencing at the moment.  I still have to finish up this semester.  There are still plenty of field work experiences, papers to write, and projects left to complete.  I still have one more class to take this spring.  After all of that, I still have student teaching, as well as MTTC and OPI testing to compete.  I know it will all be worth it in the end, but it just seems as though it is taking me longer than necessary.  The problem is that I am, by nature, impatient once I have made up my mind about something.

The funny thing is that I truly believe that my experience going back to school to earn my teaching certificate is training for the adoption process I will begin shortly.  There will be surprises along the way, and endless hoops to jump through, quite possibly for years, but when I think about actually completing the adoption process, I get overwhelmed.  Quite simply, it will be one of the greatest days of my life.


What’s Next? – Part 1


May I say that I hate the quote “Put on a little lipstick, you’ll be fine”?  It just gives false hope that good intentions and a positive attitude can get you everything you need out of life.  I am tired of well-meaning people telling me that I will eventually met someone, that I am right where I am meant to be.  What if I am not?  What if I end up alone, even though that wasn’t how it was supposed to be?  What if I took a seriously wrong turn somewhere?  I’ve done precisely that more than once.  I am still paying for my naiveté and the one chance I took on a relationship.  I know that this seems so overblown, but I’ve been here before.  That is exactly what terrifies me.  It did not end well.

Fortunately, I am not the same person I was at 23.  As much as I would love to believe that things will be different this time, I can’t help but recognize how quickly my life is changing.  This is my last regular semester of my teaching certificate program.  I recently received my student teaching assignment for this fall.  December 2016, pending mandatory testing, I will have my teaching certificate and will be off to begin a new career.  I will have to adjust to not being a student once again.  I am terrified.  I won’t have an excuse to put things off anymore.

There will then be nothing standing between me and starting the adoption process.  I am planning for it to take several years, so as I wait to finally start a family after all of these years, I’ll hopefully settle into a new teaching career.  I have no idea how I am going to reconcile the fact that I want to share my life with someone with the blatant fact that I can’t see it happening for several reasons.  There really isn’t even anyone to date at this point.  I just hope that one day, the right man will come along and prove me completely wrong.