Author Archives: lindseyrussell1980

Why I Am Glad I Am No Longer in My 20s

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Over the last few days I’ve struggled with precisely what I would like to say in this blogpost.  Recently I found out that one of my young cousins is not entirely happy at Michigan State.  In fact, she is considering transferring.  My heart breaks for her because I have been there.  She is considering leaving MSU because most of her friends are attending another university.  After thinking about it for half a second, I realized that I had once been in her shoes.  I remember all too well what it feels like to feel so alone among tens of thousands of students.  Unfortunately, I was so far along in my programs at MSU that transferring would have been extremely unrealistic.  Add to the fact that the people I wanted to be with most were in Austin, Texas, it was not a good situation.  I admit that I fought back tears as I left Austin.  Somehow, I made it through the last year and a half at MSU, even though it lead me to make the worst mistake of my life thus far:  my ex.

When I originally decided to leave Michigan State to complete an internship, a full year of study abroad through MSU, and then a six month co-op in Austin, Texas, I never once considered how it would affect my friendships.  I left MSU in May 2001 and didn’t return until January 2003.  When I returned, I was not prepared for how difficult it would be to readjust to campus life in East Lansing.  I wasn’t prepared for the deep loneliness that set in.  In making the decision to follow my dreams of beginning my career in supply chain management and completing two separate semester long study abroad programs, I lost most, if not all, of the friends I had made my first two years at Michigan State.  It also strained the few relationships I had maintained from high school.  In fact, one of my best high school friends married while I was in Spain.  She asked me to be in her wedding, and frankly, our relationship was never really the same once I was unable to do so.

All of the separate programs I participated in were wonderful, and each new experience brought a new set of friends.  Yet, it wasn’t until those last three months in Austin (September – December 2002) that I felt truly at home and truly happy.  Then it was time to go home and return to MSU.  I can finally admit to myself that I was deeply unhappy my last year and a half on campus.  As I admit that to myself, what would have been the solution?  I had to finish my degrees.  I can’t imagine how I would have had to upend my life if I had decided to permanently move to Austin and transfer to the University of Texas.  At the same time, my deep unhappiness lead me to a romantic relationship that was entirely wrong from the beginning.  There just wasn’t an easy answer.

It is for that reason that I wouldn’t want to give advice to anyone in a similar situation.  There are trade-offs for everything.  I can’t go back and change the past.  My education certainly isn’t wasted, even though I am not working in supply chain.  As much as it pains me that I lost so many friendships when I decided to pursue all that I did, I do not regret one single experience I had at Michigan State.  All of those experiences made me the person I am today.  To all of those 20-somethings facing these type of decisions, best of luck.

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Women Need to Just Stop Judging Other Women

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Adele Is Freaking Feminists Out and I Love Her Even More for It – Chicks on the Right

Since when are the decisions individual women make for their lives up for general debate?  It happens every single day as far as I can tell, particularly if said woman happens to be a mother.  Men are not subjected to downright mean spirited questioning of their personal decisions once their children are born.  Women certainly are.  In fact, there is currently a post on BlogHer in which a mother discusses the judgement she faced from other women in the face of a necessary C-section.  You can read the article here.  I am not a mother yet, and I still see the debates and judgements happening every single day.  Breastfeeding, immunizations, working mothers, school choices, C-section versus natural birth, etc.  The list is endless.  Is it anyone else’s business other than the family and individuals affected?  It shouldn’t be.  People make different decisions for a wide variety of reasons.

That is where Adele comes in.  She recently stated that she didn’t fully recognize her purpose in life until she became a mother.  I am paraphrasing, but that is the gist of the idea.  She simply is suggesting that she views motherhood as more important than her singing career.  She isn’t saying that all women need to feel the same way.  She isn’t saying that her singing career isn’t important.  She is merely expressing her personal views on HER own life.  That’s it.  I admit that I haven’t personally seen the backlash that she has received for this interview, but I can easily imagine it.  That sad part is, there is just as much backlash against anyone who suggests that women can be just as good of mothers when they decide not to stay home with their children.  No, I am not joking.  This isn’t the 1950s, and there are people who truly believe that people (let’s be realistic here, mainly women) need to choose between career and being a good parent during the first few years of a child’s life.  In fact, I came across just such a Facebook post by a stay-at-home mom yesterday.

In this post, the author of this Facebook post commented on an article titled The Loudest Silence I Ever Heard by Travis Norwood.  She goes on to state that the article, which discusses severely neglected children in a Kazakhstan orphanage, proves that CIO (cry it out) is harmful to children.  The article, which is disturbing and deserves its own blogpost relating to adoption, isn’t the issue.  The issue is this woman’s reaction to it.  She questions the ability of children raised by working parents to form healthy relationships and basically function well in society.  She truly believes that it is a necessity for one parent or another to stay at home with their child at least until age three.  Excuse me?  What about parents who must work?  What about single parents on every level?  Whether this woman realizes it or not, she just heaped a ton of guilt on parents who simply do not deserve it.  Does she not see that most of these parents have the best interests of their children at heart as well?  Does she not know any successful women who juggled career with raising children?  If not, I feel sorry for her.  I know so many.  In fact, most mothers I know do just that.  Successfully.

When will it stop?  I am sick of women using up so much time and energy to tear down other women who happen to do things differently or make different choices.  It is one thing to discuss why you made the personal choices you made.  It is quite another to suggest that those choices work for everyone.  Can we just stop pretending that everyone is the same and there is only one way to be successful?  It is particularly bad with regards to parenting.  There is more than one way to be a wonderful parent.

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Adele

The interview that started it all.

Ten Books to Keep Your Brain Happy

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The Ten Most Important Books to Feed Your Brain

I’ve been on a reading kick lately, and frankly, after finishing A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara, nothing is going to compare to the emotional intensity of that book.  Fortunately, I came across this list of books that contains titles that offer something different.  I expect to be intellectually challenged, but in these titles, at least I won’t be looking for the emotional intensity and character development of A Little Life.  I do not remember the last time I became so emotionally invested in fictional characters.  In fact, it will be nice to read something other than fiction for a change.

What drew me to this article is the author’s list of what he considers to be the top 10 braingasm books.  He defines these books as books that can fundamentally change lives.  If the one book I’ve read (Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers) included on the list is any indication, all of the books deserve to be read at least once.  In fact, the way the list is structured, it offers additional titles for anyone willing to do a little research.  As for Malcolm Gladwell’s books, I can recommend them all.  In fact, I might just reread Outliers.  Above all, I love coming across lists like this.  I will never be able to read (or reread) all of the books I love or are highly recommended, much less books that just sound interesting.  I will never understand why people do not like to read.  I am convinced that he or she simply hasn’t found the right title yet.

 

The “L” Word – libertarian

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It took me over a decade to fully admit that I have a strong libertarian bent.  When I first heard the term in high school, I simply did not understand.  I kept thinking that it must represent something I would never completely understand.  What is so controversial about wanting less government and wanting to give people more control over their lives?  I still do not understand the misconceptions.  For example, the idea that libertarians want no government.  Of course we need government for national security, infrastructure, etc., but the real question is why aren’t more people questioning the daily, routine intrusion of the federal government in our lives?  There is a pervasive idea, particularly among millennials, that government is the answer to everything.  It sickens me to recognize that so many people do not understand how government overreach can shutdown small business and job creation.  I actually lost a friend over such an argument – a man with whom I attended business school at that.  Most people do not see the connection between the two and think that government can create jobs.  It simply can’t.  It can only help to create an environment that is conducive to new job growth and business creation.

It saddens me just how politically cynical I’ve become over the last few years.  The person I would have loved to see elected President dropped out of the race recently.  I will once again hold my nose and vote for the person I perceive to be the lesser of two evils.  Neither, no matter who wins the Republican and Democratic nominations, will fully represent my political views.  I do not care much about social issues.  There is a role for government to create a safety net, but it is non-profit organizations, which deserve much more support, that are in the best position to make the largest impact.  As for issues such as gay marriage and abortion, what needs to be changed?  While I completely disagree with the idea of abortion, I recognize the necessity of legalized abortion and firmly believe that everyone should have fully control over what happens to his or her body.  I can’t imagine being told what to do with my body.  At the same time, there is much to be done to help support pregnant women who are thinking of having an abortion.  They need to know ALL of their options, not just abortion.  That type of work does not require the government at all.  As for gay marriage, now that it has been upheld by the Supreme Court, I fail to understand why it was such an issue in the first place.  If two consenting adults want to get married, why not?  Why should government be involved in marriage at all?

If I had to pin down my own beliefs, I would say that in theory, I am fairly liberal on social issues, even though conservative values have always shaped my own personal life.  The thing is that I’ve never expected anyone else to live by those values.  I cannot stand people trying to impose their values on me, so I try not to impose my values on anyone else.  Fiscal issues are altogether different.  I am a fiscal conservative.  Sadly, this is exactly where both parties fall far short for me.  Both spend like crazy and are doing next to nothing to rein in spending.  The way I look at it, the less money in the hands of the government, the more money in the hands of people like you and me.

I originally decided to write on this topic in an effort to better understand why libertarians are so misunderstood, why exactly I am so drawn to libertarian ideas, and why I believe what I believe.  It all comes back to the idea that I believe government is way too big and that our freedoms are slowly, surely being eroded.  If that makes me a rebel, so be it.

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Lost

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I am caught between being mentally ready to move on with the next part of my life and still having so much to finish before I can do so.  Frankly, I am bored.  I miss my writing classes.  I am ready to teach.  While I haven’t thought about it much since I’ve gone back to school, it is becoming clearer every day that I need to move on.  It isn’t nearly as noticeable in my education classes, which are composed of a wide variety of people who are largely non-traditional students.  In fact, if I would guess, I would say that most students in those classes are in their mid to late 20s.  They are just mature enough to make things interesting.  They at least have some life experience.  There are some who are traditional students, but it is by no means the majority of students in my education classes.

My one and only Spanish class this semester is a different story all together.  I am the old lady of the class.  Last night, before class, I just sat back for a few minutes and listened to my classmates talk.  I saw an earlier version of my self reflected in their mannerisms, their speech, and their topics of discussion.  I couldn’t help but wonder what I was doing there among them, and yet, I also found myself grateful that I am no longer the naïve young college student who hasn’t experienced much of life.

Sadly, this year has not gotten off to a great start.  My best intentions at the beginning of the year simply are not enough in the face of personal struggles.  I struggle to get caught up with my course work, and while I am not truly behind, my heart is not fully in it.  I would love for my heart to be in anything at the moment.  That is the issue at the moment:  I am well on my way to creating the life I want for myself, but I am not at the point where I can make the big changes yet.  I just have to hang in there and finish what I’ve started before I can move on.

I play around with the idea of moving to a city, usually Austin, Texas, and starting over yet again.  It is a fantasy, of course.  I could not do that to my parents, my siblings, their families, or my grandmother.  There is the business to think about, as well as finishing my education.  At the same time, it would be much easier to actually have a social life.  There just aren’t many single people my age without kids where I live now.  How am I supposed to ever have a social life?  I have friends.  Mostly friends with families, including young children.  It just makes it that much more difficult to actually do things together.  I know how to meet people – IF there are people to meet.  There is no set way to deal with my life the way it is now.  There is no set script.  I can’t point to one thing and say “Oh, OK.  This is what I need to do.”  I am not going anywhere, but I wonder if I’ll ever find someone to share my life with here.

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The “L” Word – Love

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There is no more loaded and misused word in the English language than love.  This post, as much as I wish it could be about romantic love, is about the everyday love that gets people up in the morning.  The thing is that I would not be here or in the position I am now if it were not for the love of several people in my family – namely my parents and every single one of my grandparents.  I realize that many people can say that, but not all.  Also, I have the unique perspective of being able to directly tie my future to the love and support of my parents and grandparents.  If it weren’t for my family, I would not have been able to go back to school to pursue my teaching degree.  If I am able to fully realize my dream of being a high school teacher, business owner, and mom, it certainly won’t be due to my efforts alone.  Only the love of several people could help me accomplish those goals.

When I first began thinking about this post, I couldn’t help but think of my Grandma B., my maternal grandmother.  She passed away in 2014 just as I was beginning my second college career.  She most definitely approved of my plan.  When I finally have my first classroom, I know that she’ll be watching over me from wherever she may be.  Education meant that much to her.  My other grandmother, Grandma R., values education every bit as much, but never had the opportunity to obtain a college education.  Even at 91, she reminds me at least once a week that she loved school, and she tells me old school stories that I’ve heard too many times to count.  I love it because I will never forget them.  In some ways, I feel as though I am getting an additional opportunity at a college education that she never had.  If I eventually do adopt, my child(ren) will know all about them and the profound influence they had on our entire family.

What frustrates me at the moment is that I so badly want to give back what has been given to me.  I want to help someone achieve their dreams.  I am just not there – yet.  I am not in that position – yet.  I have so much love to give and, as of yet, no family of my own.  I am simply way too impatient.

The “L” Word – Lying

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It cracks me up how a blog post evolves over time.  I’ve been meaning to write a post entitled The “L” Word discussing my political views, which have taken on an increasingly libertarian bent (hence the “L” word).  As I thought about the post, I realized that I could write a completely different post with the same title.  Instead of libertarian, the “L” would stand for love.  It is almost Valentine’s Day after all, even if my personal life appears to be permanently on hold.  Yet, I still believe in love.

The funny thing is that I kept thinking about possible topics for this blogpost; I couldn’t help myself.  The title could certainly refer to lying as well, as in how we all lie to ourselves.  Now that I have at least three topics, it’s turned into a series of posts.  Let’s get started:  It is time to talk about the lies we tell ourselves.

The sad truth is that if a person believes something will NOT happen, it never will.  For instance, I somehow convinced myself that choosing to live in my hometown permanently means that I will never meet the right man.  Will it be more difficult?  Probably.  The thing is that I don’t know what the future holds, and yet, I automatically tell myself that I will be alone the rest of my life.  I simply have to trust that there is some larger plan out there.  Unfortunately, I have to keep reminding myself that anything can happen.  The larger question is why do we do this to ourselves?  I know I am far from alone.  The false narratives need to go.

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The Iowa Caucus and Sarah Horowitz

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A Daughter Brought to Life – National Review

Teacher, Writer, Human Rights Activist Dies Unexpectedly at Age 44

What My Daughter Taught Me About Compassion – David Horowitz

Whenever I think of the Iowa caucus, I think of Sarah Horowitz.  I first learned about her during the winter of 2008 when she spent time campaigning for Barack Obama ahead of the Iowa caucus.  While I can’t pinpoint the exact online article that brought her to my attention, I will never forget her story.  As you can tell from the headline of her obituary in the JReview, she spent her brief life pursuing education, both as a teacher and as a student, and serving as a political activist.

In order to fully understand Sarah’s story, it is best to start with her father, conservative commentator David Horowitz.  Originally a product of the new left during the 1960s, his political views changed considerably over the decades, and during the 1980s, he became a well-known conservative commentator.  He is still well known in conservative circles, and the stark contrast between his political views and those of his daughter highlight the best and worst of our current political system.

I first came across David Horowitz’s work more than a decade ago when I was a certified political blog junkie.  I doubt that I would have ever came across his work today.  I would not know Sarah’s story if it were not for her father.  While deep political divisions have a way of tearing families apart, it is clear from his columns and everything written about his daughter Sarah that David Horowitz not only loved his daughter, he admired her too.  I suppose that is the larger point.  Both the left and the right have much to offer.  Why aren’t we all listening to one another?

After learning that David Horowitz wrote a book about Sarah’s life, I purchased it.  At that point, her life intrigued me.  The sad fact is that even though I’ve owned the book for over seven years, I have yet to read it.  Sarah Horowitz had Turner Syndrome, and the fact that she passed away in her 40s from heart complications quite frankly scares me.  Even though my personal political views are vastly different from hers and I can’t begin to imagine all of the physical complications (both from Turner Syndrome and additional causes) Sarah faced on a daily basis, I still see myself reflected in her story.  It is time I finally read the book.

Vision of Unity – Tablet – An interview with Sarah Horowitz published just prior to her death.

Included in Tablet interview, 2009.

Included in Tablet interview, 2009.

Turner Syndrome: My Story

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Those who know me may or may not know that I have Turner Syndrome.  While I am open about Turner Syndrome, it isn’t something that comes up all that often.  I’ve struggled for years to put into words just what Turner Syndrome has meant in my life.  While I certainly wouldn’t be the same person I am today if I did not have Turner Syndrome, it has not defined me.  I admit, Turners has made certain things, such as motherhood, more challenging, but for every young girl with TS reading this, I want to make this as clear as possible:  Turner Syndrome has yet to stop me from achieving anything.  As tomorrow marks the beginning of Turner Syndrome awareness month, I am sharing my story.

My name is Lindsey Russell, and I was diagnosed with Turner Syndrome at 3 years old.  At that age, I fell off the growth charts, and I was fortunate enough to have a concerned pediatrician, Dr. Wright, who had previous experience with Turner Syndrome.  The fact that I have Turner Syndrome was then confirmed by an endocrinologist at Mott Children’s Hospital at the University of Michigan Medical Center.  Even though I attempted to find out if I have classic Turner Syndrome (the entire X chromosome is missing) or mosaic Turner Syndrome (only part of the X chromosome is missing) in my 20s, I never received those copies of my medical records.  Throughout my early childhood, I had yearly check-ups in Ann Abor.  Even though I didn’t know I have Turner Syndrome until I was 10 years old, I could sense that I was somehow different.

Fortunately, I do not have the more serious heart and kidney issues associated with Turner Syndrome.  I do have a large number of moles, short stature, and infertility.  I also had issues with reoccurring ear infections as young child, which resulted in several sets of tubes (I couldn’t even tell you how many) and slight hearing loss.  In fact, I hated seeing the ENT (ear, nose, and throat) specialist, Dr. Stoddard, because I dreaded getting another set of tubes.  For the record, Dr. Stoddard was one of the nicest doctors I ever had, and I feel terrible that I hated him so much as a child.  My fear of tubes stemmed from my memory of my last set of tubes at age four (I think).  I remember throwing up due to the anesthesia, and I was terrified I was going to have to go through that again.  For the record, I have yet to meet a girl or woman with Turner Syndrome who did not have several sets of tubes as a child.

When I was ten years old, everything changed.  In the early 1990s, HGH (human growth hormone) came into use for “treatment” of Turner Syndrome.  In fact, in later years, I met girls slightly older than me who participated in the clinical trials.  At age ten, I started daily injections of HGH.  I stayed on those shots until I was 15 years old.  In fact, the development of HGH treatment for girls with Turner Syndrome is how I found out I have TS.  In order to be considered for HGH treatment, I had to spend a night in the hospital for hourly blood tests.  As I was not sick, my parents were put in a position where they had to explain that I have Turner Syndrome.  I am deeply grateful to my parents for their honesty and their insistence that I could achieve whatever I desired.

Today, I have mixed feelings about the use of HGH for the treatment of Turner Syndrome.  I don’t believe that short stature should be treated as a disease.  It is that simple and that complex.  I completely understand why my parents decided to put me on HGH.  They simply wanted the best for me.  What I do not understand is the medical profession’s singular focus on height in girls with Turner Syndrome.  During my adolescence, there was little if any discussion of infertility, possible learning issues, or anything else.  The focus was almost exclusively on HGH, the timing of puberty and hormone replacement therapy (again, related to height), and, of course, final height.  I felt like a freak of nature.

Adolescence and puberty are hard enough; now imagine it planned, measured, and discussed at length.  Like any other adolescent girl, I just wanted to fit in.  I didn’t, and I never would.  At age 14, I had the opportunity to attend a camp exclusively for girls with Turner Syndrome.  It changed my life.  For the first time in my life, I met other girls with Turner Syndrome.  I finally met others who shared similar body and social issues.  I had the opportunity to travel halfway across the country on my own.  I attended two years, and I credit camp for giving me the confidence to study abroad repeatedly during my years at Michigan State.  By having the opportunity to meet others with TS, I realized that I am not a freak, and I am certainly not alone.

Today, after having earned degrees in supply chain management and Spanish from Michigan State University, I am going back to school to teach Spanish and/or social studies at the middle school and/or high school level.  Once I am established in my new career, I hope to adopt.  Even though the pain of infertility never fully goes away, I do believe that I am meant to adopt.  I am looking forward to the next chapter in my life.

Women and girls with Turner Syndrome face a wide variety of physical, emotional, and social challenges.  They also happen to be one of the most highly educated and determined group of women and girls I have ever met.  Never let a label define you or let anyone underestimate your ability.

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