Tag Archives: family

Politically Incorrect

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overshare

Is There Such A Thing As Oversharing? – Blog Her

This.  All of this!  I could have easily written this blog post.  Fortunately, this past year in particular, I’ve tried to be more discrete when it comes to what I share online.  There is always – and I do mean always – so much more I would love to say.  In fact, it ended up biting me in the butt once or twice.  The funny thing is that in one case, one side of my family thought I was referring to them when in reality, it happened to be about something else entirely.  In the other case, the blog post in question was over five years old.  Five years!  It is the only blog post I’ve ever taken down.  I took it down more for personal reasons than any other concern.  It was definitely a case where I wrote out of raw emotion more than anything else.  The bottom line is this:  Aside from close family and friends, I really don’t care what people think about me.  Life is too short.

I’m struggling with this issue again.  February is Turner syndrome awareness month.  As a result, I want to write about my personal experiences with Turner syndrome.  Whether I acknowledge it or not, it has a profound impact on who I am.  The piece will be shared via a Facebook Page for a non-profit organization called A Walk for Ferrial.  I have so much to say, and not everyone will want to hear it.  In the past, I’ve actually left Facebook groups designed for women and girls with Turner syndrome due to conflicting issues.  How do I manage not to be misunderstood?  I’ll have to tread lightly, but if just one girl or young woman with Turner syndrome comes across my writing and recognizes that she is not alone, that there is someone else out there who has had to deal with the exact same issues, it will have all been worth it.  I am fed up with political correctness and not discussing issues that need to be discussed.

Adoption and Single Motherhood – Part 2

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BlogHer – I Want to Adopt and Become a Single Parent Someday – Stephanie Dolce

I decided to break this blog post into two parts because I feel there is one overwhelming issue regarding adoption that Stephanie Dolce addresses in her post that deserves its own response from me.  All of the myths surrounding adoption – many of which make the adoption process more difficult – need to be addressed and discussed openly.  Unfortunately, it seems as though there is still stigma associated with adoption.

In particular, Stephanie addresses the high cost of adoption.  In reality, there are a wide range of fees associated with adoption.  They vary widely depending on how one choses to adopt.  What most people don’t realize is that there are many reasons as to why and how people make the decision to adopt a child.  Some chose to become a foster parent first.  Others chose international adoption.  The length of time it takes to complete an adoption also varies widely depending on the type of adoption and the adoption law in the state where the adoption takes place.  The process can be so complicated and shrouded in mystery at times that it makes it extremely difficult to make generalizations.

I believe that was Stephanie Dolce’s point.  There just needs to be a lot more open discussion about adoption in general.  There are so many children that need homes, we don’t need to make adoption more difficult than necessary.  Like Stephanie, I wish there was much more discussion on the topic.  Everyone needs to know that you don’t have to be perfect to adopt.  Pregnant women dealing with an unwanted pregnancy also need to recognize that they don’t have to have an abortion.  Placing a child up for adoption is a possibility.  I’m not sure what it will take for people to discuss it more.  It breaks my heart.  I realize that adoption doesn’t always work out and that it isn’t for everyone, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t the best possible outcome in some cases.

Adoption and Single Motherhood – Part 1

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ending

BlogHer – I Want to Adopt and Become a Single Parent Someday – Stephanie Dolce

Well, it is time to address the BlogHer article that piqued my interest in the first place.  I saved this particular blog post for last (last of the articles I came across late last week) because it hits so close to home.  Even though Stephanie and I may have differences regarding dating and the possibility for a meaningful relationship (more on that later), we share so much.  Where to begin?

First, Stephanie never shied away from her love of children.  She discusses her years spent as a teacher and coach, all that she has given to children in her life.  That just wasn’t the case earlier in my life.  During my 20s, I let my issues surrounding infertility get in the way of my love for children.  I simply thought that it hurt too much to spend day in, day out with kids not my own.  Well, I can’t believe just how wrong I was.  I finally got over myself and realized the truth that I am meant to be a teacher.  I am meant to make a difference in the lives of children.  I just wish I would have discovered that little gem of self-awareness earlier.  Then again, everything happens for a reason.  All of my experiences in business – good and bad – have made me who I am today.  I doubt I would be planning to take over my parents’ business with my brother if I didn’t have all of that business experience.

Speaking of my brother, Stephanie’s statement that her love of children began with her younger brother rang true to me.  Did I want children of my own before my brother was born?  Yes; it is one of the first and only things I wanted out of life.  However, when my brother was born, I was ten years old.  There was enough difference in our ages that we weren’t necessarily playmates.  My younger sister (three years younger) and I were each other playmates.  Instead, my brother taught me what it is to care for a child.  As his babysitter, I would make him bathe and help him fall asleep.  As his older sister, I made sure he had the opportunity to spend time with me during my college years.  I taught him to appreciate classic cartoons such as Looney Tunes and The Jetsons; he taught me how to ski.  In other words, he will always be my baby brother.  Nothing can change that.  No matter how many children I adopt, he will always be my oldest child.  If one day I am a successful parent, I will have my brother to thank, along with my parents, grandparents, and sister.

If I don’t at least attempt to adopt as a single woman, there will always be something missing in my life.  I think this is exactly what Stephanie is feeling as she approaches 40.  It is what I felt as I approached 30.  It is what gets me out of bed in the morning.  It is the reason why I decided to change careers and go back to school.  Everything in my life – at least anything worthwhile – relates to my dream of creating a family of my own.  Everything.

As a single woman, that dream becomes infinitely more complicated when it comes to the topic of men.  Stephanie comes across as extremely pessimistic when it comes to dating, particularly for a self-described love and relationship advice columnist.  Why?  Why not leave open that possibility that you will meet the right man, even as a single mom?  It might take more work to find the right man, but it can be done.

This is what I am struggling with at the moment:  Making room for others in my daily life.  As I go about creating a life I love, the life I’ve always wanted, I need to find ways to ensure that I am not getting too wrapped up in myself.  I need to make time for others, make sure that I am available.  How will I ever find the right man if he thinks I am too busy for any kind of meaningful relationship?  What kind of mother would I be if I put myself before my child?  Unfortunately, it can be too easy to shut the most important people out of your life, even if that isn’t your intention at all.

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The Most Important Thing I Learned from My Dad

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My Dad and my brother - Red Wing's Game, Joe Louis Arena - December 2015

My Dad and my brother, two of the most important men in my life – Red Wing’s Game, Joe Louis Arena – December 2015

Today is my Dad’s 63rd birthday.  As he and my Mom celebrate at their cabin in Canada with friends, I can’t help but think of all he has taught me over the years.  So, as tribute to my Dad, I am going to answer the one question he asked me several times as a child (and maybe once or twice as an adult).  I will also share the one thing he taught me that will always stay with me and is clearly now a part of who I am.

First, the question.  As child, he asked me all too often “Lindsey, why do you always have to do things the hard way?”  Well Dad, I would certainly like to know too.  The thing is, I always have to discover things for myself, and unfortunately, I am incredibly stubborn, just like my Dad and his Mom, my Grandma Reid.  I can’t help it.  When it comes to my Dad dispensing advice that goes against what I feel is best, I am going to do what I feel is best at the time.  He and my Mom gave me plenty of opportunities to make my own choices even as a teenager.  Over the years, of course, I’ve grown up and made better decisions, but every now and then, I still go rogue and disregard my Dad’s advice, usually at my peril.  So, Dad, if you are reading, the reason why I have to “do things the hard way” is because I am too much like you.

The biggest lesson I learned from my Dad is undoubtedly to go after whatever it is you want out of life.  My Dad may not fully understand why I love the things I do or why I want certain things out of life, but he has always supported me in chasing my dreams.  I watched my entire childhood as he went after his dreams.  There was never any doubt that I was expected to do the same.  There were times when I wished my Dad more fully understood why I love the things I love and why I chase the things I do, but I know deep down he understands more than most.

Happy birthday, Dad!  I love you.  Lonzo.

 

Finding Your Faith

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LIW Quote

Religion, Family and Letting Your Kids Find Their Faith – BlogHer

The idea behind this article intrigues me.  I love the idea of allowing children to choose their own faith (or lack thereof).  One of the biggest issues I’ve had with organized religion throughout my life is the idea that there is only one true religion.  This idea is passed down from generation to generation without children really having the opportunity to explore other religions.  They simply grow up with the same faith as their parents without really exploring their own beliefs.  As a Protestant Christian, with all of its varieties and peculiarities, this never made sense to me.

On the other hand, there is something to be said for religious education during childhood and early adolescence.  How else can one truly learn about religion?  Throughout that process, how do you help your child be open to learning about other religions and exploring their faith while learning yours?  It is a tough question, and one that parents should discuss with their kids.  Even if parents don’t explicitly talk about religion with their children often, children will still pick up on their parents’ attitudes toward different religions.

In all of this, I was incredibly lucky as a child.  Even though my parents’ weren’t overly religious, my Mom insisted that my siblings and I had what she called a “religious education.”  We were baptized and confirmed.  We attended Sunday school and church camp.  I even spent some time as part of MYF.  My Mom had had all of these experiences growing up and wanted the same for her children.

At the same time, we were raised to respect different religions.  In fact, as a small child, I attended Mass with my Catholic neighbors almost as often as I attended church with my parents.  My neighbor and babysitter taught Catechism for decades, and thanks to my parents’ openness, I even attended her class a time or two.  Growing up in a predominately Catholic community, I am grateful that I had those experiences.  When you have a better understanding of other religions, conditions such as those that existed in Ireland during the 1970s and 1980s – Catholics versus Protestants, neighbor against neighbor – become incomprehensible.  To this day, I cannot imagine judging anyone based on religion alone.

The funny thing is that until fairly recently, I was highly skeptical of organized religion.  While I did believe in God, I did not necessarily see the need for organized religion.  Discussing all of this with my Mom, she blames herself for passing that skepticism on to me.  Personally, I’m glad I questioned my faith and organized religion.  Now that I see its intrinsic value, I knew what to look for in a church, and ultimately, I am that much stronger in my beliefs.

Home

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LIW 4

I am not one for New Year’s resolutions. Instead, I rather concentrate on creating good, sustainable habits. Those take time and patience. If I state that I will do this or I will do that, it is simply asking for failure. In 2016, I will simply concentrate on the word home. Even though I’ve lived in the same house since the end of 2012, I have yet to make it my home. It is my grandparents’ home and the house my Dad grew up in. I’ve lived there alone since the beginning of 2013, and yet, it is still very much my grandparents’ house. It is time to make it my own. I started the process last spring, but became so busy that I haven’t done much of anything since.

As a busy college student, I’ve concentrated on my classes above anything else. The last thing I wanted to do was look at all of the projects awaiting me at home. Instead, I packed up my backpack and headed to the university library where I could concentrate on my work, ignoring all that needs to be done at home. Well, this is my last semester as an undergraduate student – minus student teaching. It is time to start concentrating on the next phase of my life. It is time I created a space for myself.

During my years in Bay City, I didn’t do much to create a home for Brian and myself. I always kept thinking that we’d get married and buy a house. As the years went by and that happy scenario seemed less and less likely, I became depressed and no longer cared much. Why waste time and energy on a rental house anyway? When I finally moved in 2012, it felt wonderful to actually go through all of my possessions. I gave away items I no longer needed or used. Bags and bags of clothes that no longer fit were donated. I felt free. This is exactly what I need right now. When I complete my teaching certificate next December, I want to do so with a completely clean slate. I want to be able to fully move on to the next stage of my life.

So, why concentrate on home? Every family needs a home, right? It stands to reason that if I want to create the family I’ve longed for my entire life, we need a place to call our own. But, it involves so much more than just a house. It needs to function for me and the family I want to create. It is the first step in a long process. A family of my own is the first thing I can ever remember wanting out of life. After all of the heartache, many setbacks (just about anything you can imagine), and waiting, there is nothing standing in the way anymore. I am enough. I just figured it out way later than I would have liked. I am just glad that it is not too late.

home

Oprah Video – You ARE Enough

AC Hoekwater – My One Little Word for 2016

Christmas Traditions

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Christmas Eve at Grandma and Grandpa's House

Christmas Eve at Grandma and Grandpa’s House – 1985

I love tradition.  As a child, it meant everything.  As important as tradition is, why is it so much more important this time of year?  Why are Christmas traditions so sacred?  Growing up, most years of my childhood, if you gave me a time from say 4 PM on December 23rd to 5 PM on December 25th, I could easily give you an idea of what I would be doing with my family.  Last year, Christmas 2014, was the first Christmas Eve of my life not spent at my Grandma and Grandpa Buttrick’s house (that includes my first Christmas Eve at six days old).  Grandma B. passed away in 2014, and as much as we all dreaded Christmas without her, we started a few new traditions, including a Christmas Eve get together at my parents’ house with aunts and cousins and attending Christmas Eve service at the church where my parents were married.  I love the fact that my nephews and niece are young enough that they will grow up with these new traditions.

Of course, we included many of the old traditions as well.  We still celebrate the Night-Before, the Night-Before (the evening of December 23rd) at my aunt and uncle’s house in Standish.  My brother, sister, and I, along with families, still spend Christmas Eve at our parents’ house.  We still have cinnamon French toast and sausage for Christmas breakfast and a wonderful turkey dinner later in the day.  It still takes us half the day to open presents, partly due to the fact that there are quite a few of us and partly due to the fact that we like to lounge around (yes, even my young nephews!).  It is still always a toss-up as to whether or not we’ll get to watch old home movies Christmas night.

So, as I get ready for the next few days of love and laughter, Merry Christmas!  I hope yours is as full of faith, family, and fun as mine will be.

Waiting for Santa - 1984

Waiting for Santa – 1984