Tag Archives: writing

Making Peace with the Past

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rereading

Lately I’ve come to realize that my life is about to fundamentally change yet again, and in some ways it already has. It is exciting, yes, but at the same time, I’ve found myself thinking about my past. At one time, I wanted to forget about my life in Bay City. Some parts of it were too painful to think about. I wanted to forget it even happened. Slowly I began to realize that I couldn’t ignore those experiences as they have helped make me the person I am today. In all honesty, it wasn’t all bad. If that were the case, one would hope that I had moved on long before I actually did.

In my efforts to get back to writing, I reread several of the blog posts I wrote over the last year or two. At times I nail it; at others, not so much. I will say that I have been true to myself. Fortunately, I have made peace with my past. It has not been easy. I keep thinking of how much time I’ve wasted. At the same time, I am at a place now in my life where when it is right, it will definitely be right. I now know precisely what I want. That should count for something, right?

More than anything, I am done wasting time on things that do not interest me at all. If I learned anything from my years in Bay City, I learned how much I love reading, writing, and learning in general. One of my favorite things is to discuss books and writing, or well-developed ideas. While I’ve been nurturing my love of reading and writing for some time now, something seemed to be missing. I wasn’t quite ready to jump into writing again. While I had no problem writing flash fiction or short stories, working on larger projects didn’t seem right. I wanted to ensure I had a good writing process in place, along with the best possible tools, before tackling something larger. I am finally closer to having that all in place. It is now a matter of consistently writing and deciding where to begin first.

I have to admit, I am lucky. I now know the right people to ask when I need a book recommendation or I am struggling with anything related to writing. I have all I need. It is now a matter of putting fingers to keyboard. Up next: A post describing some of the best resources I’ve discovered for writers. They are so worth it, even if it takes time to put everything in place. Hopefully someone else out there will find what I have to say useful. That is the entire reason why I blog.

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In Like A Lion

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The best of intentions don’t always work. I intended to start blogging again in January. It just didn’t happen. Life happened. So far in 2017, Grandma Reid passed away, I’ve finally been matched with a little sister through Big Brothers, Big Sisters, and my exam schedule for my teacher certification tests is set (one down, three more to go!). There is no easy way to write about my life at the moment. I’m not quite ready to write about Grandma Reid yet – although I will one day. I can’t write about all of the wonderful experiences I am having with my little sister – at least not in a way that is true to the whole story. I understand why, certainly, but it could be such a fun topic. As far as my career is concerned, nothing can really change until all of my tests are complete. Instead, I am going to have to focus on blogging about reading and writing for the moment.

I’ve read so many great books lately, thanks to book club and my sister. Reading is becoming a habit again, and I am a better person for it. Finally reading has largely replaced TV and movies in my life. I can’t ask for much more than that. As I have said before, I need to go back to keeping a list of books I’ve read. I want to share them with all of you. By listing the books I read on my blog, I became an intentional reader. I still am. I need to get back to sharing what I read. I plan on eventually sharing book reviews on GoodReads as well.

Writing is another story entirely. I always miss it when I don’t write. I need to write. Even though I’ve owned Scrivener for over a year, I finally took the time to go through the entire tutorial and learn how to use it properly. I don’t think I will be without it ever again. I love it, and it is exactly what every writer needs. The capacity built into Scrivener to meet the needs of almost any type of writer imaginable is mind-boggling. It becomes apparent once you go through the tutorial and start using the program just how customizable it truly is.

At the advice of a friend, I’ve also started using 750words.com. The verdict is still out. I do like the idea of free writing 750 words each and every day without it having to be used for a polished piece of writing. I’ve also been exploring RedNotebook, which I’ve been using as a personal journal. In fact, you can actually create numerous journals. It is basic, but great for creating lists too.

In April I hope to attend at least a couple of writers’ conferences. Nothing is settled yet, but the reality is that I could attend writers’ conferences every weekend in April, with the exception of Easter weekend, if I wanted to do so. I ask myself why I go, and then as soon as it is over, I realize that I always take away something useful. In fact, one of the reasons why I am so excited about these particular conferences is due to a possible opportunity to present on education for writers in an upcoming workshop this fall. If nothing else, I will take away something. There are other things going on behind the scenes as well, as always. So many things to do and never enough time!

As a future teacher, I can only hope to reach a point in my career where I can tell it like it is, only with slightly more tact.

As a future teacher, I can only hope to reach a point in my career where I can tell it like it is, only with slightly more tact.

Abre Los Ojos

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It is time to take the blinders off.  I’ve spent the last several years busying myself with everything else except writing.  There is inspiration all around me.  I only need to make it a daily habit.  Today, after attending a wonderful local writing workshop, I dug out writing resources that I haven’t looked at in years.  It is time I get serious about various writing projects.  The issue is that I have several ideas.  Where do I begin?  Fortunately, I just need to set some deadlines and goals, along with basic confidence.

Hopefully, I’ll make a habit of taking a few minutes out of my day to share little things that make a good story.  Sadly, this past September did not go as planned and best-laid plans had to be set aside.  I can only hope that October isn’t quite as harsh.

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A Cracking of The Heart: The Life of Sarah Horowitz

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A Cracking of the Heart

Goodreads Review – A Cracking of the Heart by David Horowitz

Where do I even begin?  First, A Cracking of the Heart is first physical book I’ve read in quite some time.  Lately I’ve only been reading Kindle version of books.  I mention this because I collect physical books, and frankly, I can’t stand when people bend pages to mark a page.  Well, there were so many passages that I want to remember and revisit that my hardcover version of the book is hopelessly dog-eared.  I will be rereading this particular book, possibly more than once.

It goes well beyond the fact that Sarah, the woman’s whose life is the subject of the book, and I share the diagnosis of Turner Syndrome.  Sadly, Sarah dealt with many more issues and complications than I ever have.  What strikes me most about Sarah’s journal entries and inner dialog in the book is that the struggles she discussed most are the same ones that I have battled most of my life.  It is stated that Sarah never adopted due to her concerns about her financial stability.  This is the reason why I am working so hard to achieve that financial stability.  Everything that I am currently doing in my life will eventually put me in a position to finally create the family I’ve always wanted – hopefully.  There is no other way.  I refuse to believe that I am not meant to have a family of my own.

One passage that deeply disturbed me is the detailed description of Sarah’s failed attempts at finding love.  She did fall in love.  That same man loved her.  However, it didn’t end in marriage.  Instead of choosing to marry Sarah and accepting her for who she was, Joel married another woman.  In the book he admits that he made a mistake, that at the time he was drawn to the physical, and that his resulting marriage only lasted a few years.  He implies that he should have married Sarah.  This is my worst fear writ large.  No matter what I do, no matter how much I love, and no matter what I achieve in life, men will not be able to look past my physical characteristics.  I have yet to be proven wrong.

meaning-of-life

If the truth be told, everyone let Sarah down – society in particular.  In her short life, she continually fought to be taken seriously, fought for her independence, and fought to achieve in spite of the physical obstacles she faced.  Her father, famous political commentator David Horowitz, implies that he regrets certain aspects of his relationship with his daughter.  Father and daughter happened to disagree politically.  Frankly, my personal political beliefs are more aligned with David’s; however, he makes a compelling case against Sarah being naïve or easily manipulated in her convictions.  Even though we may have been in serious disagreement politically, I like to believe that Sarah and I would have had a lot to share if we had ever met.  I love the fact that she, like so many women with Turner Syndrome, was stubborn to a fault.

There is so much in her life to which I can relate.  For example, I share her love of words.  She struggled to find her voice and found it difficult to write about her personal life.  Same here.  In the last decade of her life, she found solace in her Jewish faith.  I am just now discovering that organized religion might have something to offer after all.  It goes on and on.  I like to think that her faith offered her some sort of solace in all of the adversity she faced just to complete daily tasks that most of us take for granted.  It will be a long time before I read another book that touches me on such a deep emotional level.

You can read more about Sarah’s life and the book here.

chapter book

Dreamer By Day

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Quote-Lawrence

This happens to be one of my favorite quotes of all time, and like anything else, there is a story behind it.  I first came across it as part of the final episode of Roseanne.  Even though Roseanne ran throughout much of my childhood, I did not watch it much until it was in reruns.  As so many have noted over the years, the early years of the series are far and away the best.  The final couple of seasons grew increasingly strange and unbelievable, at times almost unwatchable.  I heard rumors and opinions on the series finale, and I finally had to experience it for myself.  I wasn’t prepared for my reaction.

I can fully understand why people didn’t like it and felt that it was a trite way to write off a year or two of bad writing.  As a writer, I saw it as something else.  It turns out that Roseanne explained that horrible last year or two of the series as the fiction of the fictional Roseanne Connor.  It turns out that she wrote the entire series and changed things to suite her liking.  She paired Mark with Becky and Darlene with David, not the other way around as in “real” life.  She portrayed her sister Jackie as a single woman forever searching for the right man, instead of the lesbian that she was.  The biggest surprise of all:  Dan actually died as a result of his heart attack.  No, they never won the lottery.  As questionable television as it may be, it works if you are a writer.

I love Roseanne Connor’s monologue at the end of the series.  She explains that she wrote in order to cope with the reality and loneliness of her life, particularly after Dan died.  She decided to “fix” things.  It happened to be her way of making sense of her chaotic life.  That is something I think all writers can understand.  It still surprises me that such a complex, interesting quote, coupled with a wonderful monologue that explains the need for a creative outlet, ended a beloved 80’s sitcom.  Unfortunately, I believe the complexity is and was lost on many people.

Roseanne

Why I Write – Part 1

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Quote-Lawrence

The other day I received my writing certificate in the mail from Delta College.  It is the result of 18 credit hours, a wide variety of wonderful classes and instructors, and even more hard work.  As a result of the program, I created a portfolio ranging from poetry to creative non-fiction, wrote the first 20 pages of a movie script, as well as completed a memorable literary analysis class.  The program also challenged me to restart my blog.  Can you tell how much I loved this program?  In fact, I miss my writing classes.  What surprises me though is my feelings toward finishing the program.

It should not be that big of deal.  I hold two bachelors of art degrees from Michigan State.  As happy as I was on graduation day at MSU, none of my formal academic experiences at MSU were just about me.  At one time, I thought pursuing a degree in Spanish would make me that more marketable in the business world, same with all of my study abroad activities.  I studied supply chain management due to the reputation of Michigan State’s program and the success supply chain grads had at the time.  The fact that it interested me seemed to be almost an afterthought.  The reality that I loved all of these pursuits made those decisions that much easier to make, but my feelings were not the reason why I made them.

In contrast, I decided to complete the writing certificate program at Delta College for no other reason than my own love of writing.  That is it.  I did it purely for me.  It did help that I was already going back to school to earn my teaching certificate, but teaching does not have much to do with why I wanted to pursue this writing program at the same time.

If I could give new high school graduates one piece of advice, it would be to pursue something you love simply because you love it.  It doesn’t have to be a formal part of your education or be a means of financial support.  Everyone needs a creative outlet and a sense of completion outside of academics or work.

freedome with writing

The Iowa Caucus and Sarah Horowitz

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cracking

A Daughter Brought to Life – National Review

Teacher, Writer, Human Rights Activist Dies Unexpectedly at Age 44

What My Daughter Taught Me About Compassion – David Horowitz

Whenever I think of the Iowa caucus, I think of Sarah Horowitz.  I first learned about her during the winter of 2008 when she spent time campaigning for Barack Obama ahead of the Iowa caucus.  While I can’t pinpoint the exact online article that brought her to my attention, I will never forget her story.  As you can tell from the headline of her obituary in the JReview, she spent her brief life pursuing education, both as a teacher and as a student, and serving as a political activist.

In order to fully understand Sarah’s story, it is best to start with her father, conservative commentator David Horowitz.  Originally a product of the new left during the 1960s, his political views changed considerably over the decades, and during the 1980s, he became a well-known conservative commentator.  He is still well known in conservative circles, and the stark contrast between his political views and those of his daughter highlight the best and worst of our current political system.

I first came across David Horowitz’s work more than a decade ago when I was a certified political blog junkie.  I doubt that I would have ever came across his work today.  I would not know Sarah’s story if it were not for her father.  While deep political divisions have a way of tearing families apart, it is clear from his columns and everything written about his daughter Sarah that David Horowitz not only loved his daughter, he admired her too.  I suppose that is the larger point.  Both the left and the right have much to offer.  Why aren’t we all listening to one another?

After learning that David Horowitz wrote a book about Sarah’s life, I purchased it.  At that point, her life intrigued me.  The sad fact is that even though I’ve owned the book for over seven years, I have yet to read it.  Sarah Horowitz had Turner Syndrome, and the fact that she passed away in her 40s from heart complications quite frankly scares me.  Even though my personal political views are vastly different from hers and I can’t begin to imagine all of the physical complications (both from Turner Syndrome and additional causes) Sarah faced on a daily basis, I still see myself reflected in her story.  It is time I finally read the book.

Vision of Unity – Tablet – An interview with Sarah Horowitz published just prior to her death.

Included in Tablet interview, 2009.

Included in Tablet interview, 2009.

Schedule and Structure: Finding Time to Write

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3-steve-job-meme

Overwhelmed?  Here is How to Schedule Your Online Life – BlogHer

I thrive on schedule and structure.  Unfortunately, it hasn’t been easy to get a set schedule when taking class at two different institutions, subbing when able, and fitting in field work for my education classes.  I am looking forward to a traditional school schedule.  The thing is, as much as I love schedule and structure, I like variety too.  That is where my business life comes in.  During the summer, my life is completely different, and I spend most of my days working in the family business, Russell Canoe Livery.  I love having a completely different set of responsibilities for part of the year.

Unfortunately, this semester is off to a strange start.  Even with my intention of finally creating a good schedule (which includes blogging and writing in general) and a more sane class schedule, it just hasn’t worked well over the last couple of weeks.  Maybe I can put those weeks behind me and actually get somewhere.  There are so many things I that need to get done.

Lately I’ve been thinking about what I want my life to look like.  I am working on balancing a teaching career with running a family business and still find time to keep writing.  The thing is:  I know I can do it.  I’ve only been training for all of it for most of my life.  That is what so frustrating at the moment.  I can’t move on just yet.  My brother and I haven’t purchased the business yet.  I still have a semester of classes left, student teaching, and a battery of tests to take.  Once I’m done with all of that, I still need to land a teaching position.  Hopefully these tips and suggestions outlined in the article above will help me find the time to write.

Quick Update

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Longed_to_ReadI finally updated some of the pages I wanted to include here.  Here is a quick explanation of each page.

About Me – A quick overview of yours truly.

Anonymous – An interesting conversation I had here several years ago with an anonymous commenter.  I still have no idea who anonymous is.

Bucket List – It is extensive.  I’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas.  What is on your bucket list?

Reading List – A list of most of the books I’ve read going back to 2009.  I may yet add some of the novels I read for my classes as well.

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Essential Questions

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Essential Questions by Jay McTighe and Grant Wiggins

hermes-meme

Sometimes distinct areas of my life overlap.  This is one of those times.  Who knew I’d find inspiration for my blog in the required reading for one of my education classes?  I love when things like this happen.  When I first read this article, I immediately saw the potential for a series of blogposts, each one exploring an essential question, of course.

For those who don’t know, I am currently working on completing a teacher certification program that will allow me to teach Spanish and social studies at the secondary level (grades 6-12).  Add in my interest in all things relating to language, and it isn’t surprising that I will be focusing on the essential questions in those subject areas:  world languages, history and social studies, along with language arts.  I may add in a few from art as well.  Here are a few questions that left me inspired to write.  Please keep in mind that I did not come up with these questions as they are taken verbatim from the article above.  I’m not exactly sure how I will use these questions here on my blog, but they are worth noting.

Essential Questions in History and Social Studies

  • Whose “story” is this?
  • How can we know what really happened in the past?
  • How should governments balance the rights of individuals with the common good?
  • Should _______ (e.g., immigration, media expression) be restricted or regulated? When? Who decides?
  • Why do people move?
  • What is worth fighting for?

Essential Questions in Language Arts

  • What do good readers do, especially when they don’t comprehend a text?
  • How does what I am reading influence how I should read it?
  • Why am I writing? For whom?
  • How do effective writers hook and hold their readers?
  • What is the relationship between fiction and truth?
  • How are stories from other places and times about me?

Essential Questions in World Languages

  • What should I do in my head when trying to learn a language?
  • How can I express myself when I don’t know all the words (of a target language)?
  • What am I afraid of in hesitating to speak this language? How can I overcome my hesitancy?
  • How do native speakers differ, if at all, from fluent foreigners? How can I sound more like a native speaker?
  • How much cultural understanding is required to become competent in using a language?
  • How can I explore and describe cultures without stereotyping them?

Essential Questions in the Arts

  • What can artworks tell us about a culture or society?
  • What influences creative expression?
  • To what extent do artists have a responsibility to their audiences?
  • Do audiences have any responsibility to artists?
  • What’s the difference between a thoughtful and a thoughtless critique?
  • If practice makes perfect, what makes perfect practice?

Meta and Reflective Questions

  • What do I know and what do I need to know?
  • Where should I start? When should I change course? How will I know when I am done?
  • What’s working? What’s not? What adjustments should I make?
  • Is there a more efficient way to do this? Is there a more effective way to do this? How should I balance efficiency and effectiveness?
  • How will I know when I am done?
  • What should I do when I get stuck?
  • How can I overcome my fear of making mistakes?
  • What have I learned? What insights have I gained?
  • How can I improve my performance?
  • What will I do differently next time?

(McTighe & Wiggins, 2013)