As the last few days have brought with them the first signs of the fall to come, I can’t say that I am sorry. I am eager for this summer to be over. I can practically hear my grandmother yelling at me from the grave not to wish my life away, but I can’t help it. Nothing about this summer – or this year – has been easy. Somewhere along the way, I mistakenly believed that I would have some of the major pieces of my life in place by my mid-thirties. I don’t. I am still trying to find my place in the world.
If anything good did come out of this summer, it is the fact that I finally got a resolution to something I let go unresolved for way too long. In the process of finally telling this man how I’ve felt about him (for years), I realized why it never worked with any of the men in my life. None – and I mean none – have been the right one. I finally came to the realization that I somehow managed to reach this age without ever having truly experienced true love. It is the awful, unvarnished truth – and it doesn’t erase the ten years I wasted in a doomed, loveless relationship.
As rough as most of this summer has been (most of which I haven’t even addressed here), the last few weeks included some fun. Two of the highlights involve a good friend. She moved downstate this winter, and we haven’t really had a chance to catch up since. We finally met up for dinner and caught up on months’ worth of news. As this friend experienced infertility as well, the topic naturally came up during a discussion about my decision to become a foster parent. The resulting conversation made me realize all over again that having a child in your arms doesn’t make infertility issues go away. In fact, the entire thing is worth its own blogpost.
Then there is the river. Everything seems to be put in perspective when you are on the river tubing, at least for a while. This same friend and I spent an afternoon/early evening tubing and continuing our catching up from the previous week. For one of the first times all summer, I felt that things will work out eventually.
Now for the picture … This picture brought back so many wonderful childhood memories that I had to share. It is simply my niece and nephew playing at the landing by the river. I spent hours at that exact location as a child making moats, pretending that river was an ocean, letting the minnows nibble my toes. The week my brother and his family spent camping at the campground brought back so many long-forgotten childhood memories. I can’t wait to create similar memories with my own family.