You can find my updated reading list here. I am now including electronic copies of our book club flier as well. While I have started on posting book reviews here, I have many more to write. Stay tuned! As always, lots going on behind the scenes. Details to follow.
It is no secret that I love quotes. Every so often, one hits you right in the gut. That is what happened one morning in church. Before church truly begins, our ley leader normally shares a funny inspirational story or quote. That particular week, she shared the quote shown above. It works on so many levels.
First, I have so many ideas for stories, books, and series that I don’t know where to begin half of the time. There are always fresh ideas competing with the old and written projects badly in need of editing, not to mention conferences and workshops to attend. How do I keep track of it all or know where to start?
Second, this is one of my biggest fears: I will never get around to writing what I need to write. If I didn’t do anything else in my life, I would still have enough experiences, memories, and ideas to keep me writing for the rest of my days. This is where my perfectionist nature rears its ugly head. It is the best stories that keep me up at night. How do I get them down correctly the first time? Well, writing doesn’t work that way, unfortunately. Intellectually I understand, and yet, I can never quit shake the feeling I left something important out, no matter how well-intentioned my first draft.
Finally, this quote gets to the heart of how I would like to live my life. At the end of my life, I don’t want to wonder “what if …,” but it may be inevitable. I doubt anyone dies without regrets. It is possible to minimize them, however. It is time to get busy.
I don’t talk about my mom nearly enough. If you would have asked me five years ago if we were close, I would have told you no, we aren’t particularly close. I’m not exactly sure when that changed, but it did change, for the better. As an undergrad at Michigan State University, I used to marvel at the girls who called their moms every day. It confused me. On one hand, I wanted that type of relationship with my mom; on the other, I loved my independence too much. However, if I didn’t call every Sunday, I would be tracked down.
Now that I am older, I am grateful for that independence, although I can’t imagine it today. I do talk to my mom almost every day now. My parents were more concerned when I was commuting and taking classes at Saginaw Valley State University (SVSU) a few years ago than they ever were during my years at Michigan State. I find it funny and fascinating. I think I understand it though. My parents still had my sister and brother at home. They were still dealing with sports activities and whatever trouble my brother decided to get into that particular week. Still, I would never go as far as to say that I had a difficult relationship with my parents, even when we didn’t talk all that often. They just let me get on with having fun in college – and I did.
As a teenager, it was common for my dad, brother, and sister to watch TV together in the living room. My mom and I would watch something else in my parents’ bedroom. I would lounge on my parents’ bed while mom would get her clothes ready for the next day, etc. One of our favorites happened to be Ally McBeal. At times, we would have some great conversations too.
During one weekend home during my sophomore year at MSU, such a scenario took place when I needed my mom’s advice most. At the time, I felt as though I had to choose between semester long Spanish programs in Spain or Ecuador. How was I supposed to choose between the two? I didn’t want to have to make that decision. I wanted to do both. I asked my mom what she thought. All she asked is that I be home for Christmas. It worked. I found a way to make it work without delaying graduation. I never forgot my parents’ support of that decision. I also learned to be flexible and find a way to do what I wanted to do – on my terms.
Shortly before my mom retired in 2010, I learned she dreamed of writing children’s books in retirement. Considering her career as an elementary school teacher, it isn’t surprising. What surprised me most is: 1. I never knew that my mom wanted to write at all. I thought it was my dream alone, and one I didn’t share with many people at the time. 2. I didn’t learn this from my mom, I learned it through a mutual friend. Shocked, surprised, and happy, we began working on her children’s books together. She wanted my input and help polishing them.
Here’s the problem: I am way too close to my mom’s books. I love them. I know exactly where she is going with them, and I love the fact her books are based on part of a writing curriculum she used in her kindergarten classroom. We both need to get writing again and finish getting those books ready to submit. Every time we work on them, I fall in love with her books all over again.
I love the process that we have working together. It is fun working with her and bouncing ideas off one another. We can usually come to some sort of agreement or even come to the same conclusions. I hope we can eventually get to the point where we are comfortable submitting them for publication. It is time.
The funny thing is that I can just hear my mom reading her books to groups of kids. As a child, there was nothing better than her versions of Sesame Street books. She is great at making all of the different voices necessary to make a children’s book come alive. Grover and the Count are still favorites with her grandchildren. I can’t wait to hear her reading her own books in front of a crowd eager for more.
I enjoyed reading Marlena. While it contains components of a YA (young adult) novel, I would classify it as emerging adult. Fair warning: Lots of drugs and sex involved. The good news is that the drugs, and to a lesser extent, sex, drive the plot. They are necessary to the plot, and fortunately, do not glamorize the consequences of either. By the way, when I mention drugs here, I am including alcohol.
I didn’t read Marlena with a set purpose in mind. It wasn’t a book club pick or anything. In fact, I discovered it by browsing a selection of online books available through my library’s website. It just sounded good. It is ultimately a tale of two best friends growing up in a dull northern Michigan town. It took a while for me to get into the book. The protagonist, Cat, isn’t the easiest person to get to know. Also, in the beginning, I didn’t get the fixation on drugs. She clearly understands right from wrong, but she is fixated on her new best friend Marlena and making the worst possible choices for her life. By approximately a quarter of the way through the book, I was hooked and found it difficult to put down.
Cat, at least the older, wiser version in the novel, nails what it is like to grow up, to love and lose. There are so many powerful lines I found myself highlighting them in my Kindle copy, forgetting that it is a library book. Below are a few of what I consider to be the most powerful lines in the novel.
Close enough to being a writer, isn’t it, working at a library? – Page 45
As an aspiring writer, I loved this quote. Ultimately, Cat is a writer, but it took her a while to find her voice. Her empathy for other young women is clearly demonstrated later in the novel in her approach to difficult young library patrons.
For so many women, the process of becoming requires two. It’s not hard to make out the marks the other one left. – Page 96
This passage really made me think. I thought of the friends, male and female, in both high school and college, who helped to shape the woman I became. It made me think of what I wrote about W.M here in particular. There is something to be said for reconnecting with old friends after years apart and seemingly nothing (and everything) has changed.
I think it’s pretty common for teenagers to fantasize about dying young. We knew that time would force us into sacrifices – we wanted to flame out before making the choices that would determine who we became. When you were an adult, all the promise of your life was foreclosed upon, every day just a series of compromises mitigated by little pleasures that distracted you from your former wildness, from your truth. – Pages 129-130
This struck a nerve with me as well. First, I vividly remember being terrified of dying young as a teenager. Both of my parents lost close relatives as teenagers, and those stories stayed with me. Second, the fact that “time would force us into sacrifices” continues to be at the forefront of my mind. I have always tried to find a way to leave as many doors open as possible. There is just too much I want to do in life.
I was always aware, in some buried place, that girls my age had just entered their peak prettiness, and that once my pretty years were spent my value would begin leaking away. I saw it on TV and in magazines, in the faces of my teachers and women in the grocery store, women who were no longer looked at … – Page 143
I so desperately want this not to be true, but it is true. I loathe this fact about our culture. Hopefully I will live long enough to see it change, permanently.
Before that year I was nothing but a soft, formless girl, waiting for someone to come along and tell me who to be. – Page 250
Thinking back to what I was like at ages 15-16, I like to think I was somehow stronger than Cat. Unfortunately, that just isn’t the case; I could closely identify with Cat in the novel. It makes the novel much darker. There is a fine line between the successful teenage Cat and the degenerate.
I would recommend the book, especially if you love to write or like reading about love and loss (or even friendship in general). Is the story sad? Yes, but it is also full of hope. It does seem that Cat is at least trying to deal with her loss, with varying degrees of success.
I know I have talked about this before, but I am convinced the right books find me at exactly the right time. While I certainly wouldn’t call Marlena great literature, it addresses certain topics I would like to cover in my own writing. I will be rereading this novel.
The Heavy Link – Perfectionism and Procrastination
The Most Important Thing a Writer Needs
As much as I don’t want to admit it, I am a perfectionist to a fault. There is a link to perfectionism and procrastination, and frankly, I am not sure what to do about it. Several years ago, my boss, who through a strange set of circumstances has known me most of my life, once labeled me as a perfectionist. I bristled. I didn’t want to admit it. I would admit that I was a perfectionist at one time. At the time, I did not believe the label still applied to me. Well, it does. It always will. I may have let a few things go, but I still strive for perfection in everything I do.
Procrastination is what’s wrong with perfectionism. Procrastination keeps me from doing what I need to do, especially when it comes to my writing and my personal life. Trying not to procrastinate led me to make one of the biggest mistakes of my life: my ex. I should have listened to my intuition and realized that it wasn’t going to work from the beginning, but I committed myself to making it work. Unfortunately, it was one sided, and I was too stubborn to realize it. Procrastination is behind my most egregious mistakes. When will I learn not to question myself too much and just do what I need to do?
Fortunately, perseverance is part of the equation as well. I will succeed. It isn’t too late to go back to do what I need to do. I am thankful that I am stubborn enough to stick with it until the end. It may take me decades, but I will persevere as a writer. I must stop comparing myself to anyone else. How many times do I tell myself that before I begin to believe it?
W.M and I – Puebla, Mexico. March 2004.
As a writer, I am struggling with how to properly tell the story of my friendship with W.M. throughout my college years. Even though we never really dated, there was something more than friendship there. If writing from my perspective, the story would have to include themes of romance and unrequited love. How do I tell the story fairly? I have no clue what really happened in the end, why he kept seeking me out, but it never went further than friendship. When I did try to write the story, the men in my writing group all appeared to come to the same conclusion: He must be gay. I don’t believe that to be the case. If that were the case, I would like to think that we were good enough friends that he could have told me. I did find it telling that they came to that conclusion after reading the story from my perspective.
I wish I knew what to do with the story. It is the reason why people study abroad and learn foreign languages. It is at least part of the reason why Spanish continues to play such a major role in my life.
W.M. and I had a major falling out several years ago now to the point where I haven’t thought about him in years. Yet, our friendship has been on my mind lately. The truth is that Michigan State wouldn’t have been the same without him. Alternative Spring Break and study abroad wouldn’t have been the same without him. My experiences in Mexico and Spain wouldn’t have been the same without him. Maybe it is fitting that he must have been on my mind as I am trying to figure out exactly what it is that I want in my personal life.
Several months ago now, my book club decided to read Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. There was only one problem: I had never read the original series. When the books originally debuted, I was already in high school and then college. I’d already fallen in love with what I considered to be more important literary fiction. I simply didn’t have time for what I considered to be a mere series of children’s books. The thing is that I’ve never been a reader of fantasy or science-fiction, although that is changing. I often wonder if it might have been different without the elements of magic and fantasy; maybe I would have come to the series much earlier.
In the end, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child became my catalyst to finally read the Harry Potter series. I am still in the process of reading the entire series, but two things have become increasingly clear:
1. My idea to have a protagonist of a children’s book series grow and develop throughout the series is a valid one. This entire subject deserves its own blog post soon.
2. There is simply no way I could not read the entire series, not if I want to write a series of children’s books, whether they are eventually published or not.
Even though I had only read the first two books in the series prior to reading Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, it was enough to get a sense of the series and the characters. What I loved about Harry Potter and the Cursed Child is what it says about parenthood. In the play, and it is written as a play, both Harry and Draco Malfoy struggle as fathers. Both seem eager to help their sons avoid the pitfalls of their own childhoods. The problem is that Harry’s son Albus is not the famous Harry Potter, nor is Draco’s son Scorpius exactly like him. As a result, neither father can ultimately protect his son from evil. Even though I am not yet a parent, it made me realize that one cannot base parenting solely on their own experience. Biological or not, your child is not exactly like you. He or she may be nothing like you. It is interesting to me that one of my first introductions to the world of Harry Potter took place when Harry, Ron, and Hermione were adults – and parents. I love the fact that they are supposed to be roughly my age, and if one follows the timeline during which J.K Rowling wrote the books, it works.
Frankly, if I am completely honest with myself, I cannot wait to read the Harry Potter series with my child(ren) one day, along with so many other books. Will I force it? Of course not, but I will at least try. I’ll be happy if my child(ren) finds a genre he or she (or they) love(s). I do think it is true that people who don’t like to read just haven’t found the right books yet.
Before there was Harry, Ron, and Hermione, there was Kevin, Paul, and Winnie. For whatever reason, and I have my theories, I adored The Wonder Years as a kid. Let’s face it: I wanted to be Winnie Cooper. I wanted to look exactly like her; however, I hoped that I would not be quite so critical and whiny (cue any time she said Kevin’s name). There is just something about the entire series that always stuck with me. Maybe it had something to do with this: Quotes from The Wonder Years. If nothing else, the writing is fantastic. Not that long ago, someone brought up how artificial and inauthentic the late 1960s and 1970s could be. That statement did not sit well with me, and I finally figured out why. One of what I consider to be the most authentic TV shows happened to be set in that exact time period. I understood where he was going with that statement, but it didn’t tell the whole story. Did the late 1960s and 1970s have kitschy moments? Of course it did, loads of them (the clothes alone …), but that wasn’t the everyday experience of most people who lived during that time period. I refuse to believe people are that shallow.
The irony is that if a “modern” version of The Wonder Years was made today, it would be set in the 1990s. From what I remember, most of the story lines wouldn’t have to change much. It would still be possible to deal with middle school/high school crushes, friendship, politics, learning how to drive, and first jobs. Only the historical backdrop, clothes, and music would have to change. As much as I would love to see that happen, it would not be the same. Such a series could only be viewed in the shadow of The Wonder Years.
All of this left me wondering why we love what we love. Why do we love the people we love? Do we really have a choice? I’m not sure. I’m even less certain as to why we fall in love with certain things. Why do we connect with certain music, books, TV shows, and movies, while not caring for others? I have no idea. I do know that I love the movie Casablanca and the ending scene of Bridget Jones’ Diary. I love the characters of Mr. Darcy: Both Fitzwilliam Darcy of Pride and Prejudice and Mark Darcy of Bridget Jones’ Diary. The ending of Six Feet Under is one of the best endings of a TV series I’ve ever come across. Francine Prose’s Reading Like A Writer continues to influence me as a writer and inspired me to read her other works. It completely changed how I read. I refuse to watch anything after the last episode of the third season of Call the Midwife because of how nicely it summed up the series to that point. The adoption scene with Dr. Turner and Shelagh gets to me every time. I could go on. All of these things influence what I read, what I watch, and eventually, what I write. Maybe we don’t find the right material, maybe the right material finds us. As for people, well … one can hope.
Here it is: A few of my favorite writing tools, along with a brief explanation as to how and why I use them.
Mid-Michigan Writers – I am proud to belong to one of the oldest writing groups in Michigan. If you are a writer without a writing group to help you polish your work, I am truly sorry. I’ve learned so much in the last few years I’ve been a member. One of the highlights for me is the annual Gateway to Writing Workshop held in my hometown every September. The friendships and critique process I’ve taken away from this group are invaluable. Once you become a member, dues are $15 annually.
Scrivener – Where do I even begin? This is the writing program I’ve been looking for from the very beginning. It is truly a digital studio for writers. There are so many features in this program, which is designed to be used by any and all writers, that the entire tutorial takes hours to go through. The nice part about the design is that the features you don’t use are not obtrusive, and yet, they are there when you need them. I heard the hype for years before I decided to see what all the fuss is about. I am sorry that I waited so long. It truly is designed by writers for writers. I will never be without it again. You can purchase Scrivener here. There is a one-time cost of $40.
750 Words – I just recently heard about this website and started using it. So far, I love it. The point is to empty your mind of nagging thoughts by just typing them out. It is all about reaching 750 words. There are no requirements, and it is private. The fun part of it all – and why I am considering joining after my free trial – is the analytics provided after you have written your entry for the day. Not only does it show you frequently used words, it tries to interpret your mood as you write and provide you a rating (similar to the movie rating system) for your writing. It is pretty fun, even if meaningless. Membership is $5 per month. Check out the website here to see what else is included for $5. There are many free online journals out there, but none are quite as fun and motivational as this site. You also get a true sense of community. Just getting it down works.
Evernote – I’ve known about Evernote for years, but it always seemed a little too fussy for me. Well, I’ve found it to be useful for jotting down writing ideas, keeping tracks of various lists, and more. There are many features at the basic (free) level of membership. It appears to sync well between PC and Android. I use it for personal notes as well, and I am considering using it to replace ColorNote completely. I tried to use Red Notebook for the same purpose, but Evernote is much better for making lists and taking notes. Red Notebook has better uses.
Red Notebook – If you are looking for a decent digital journal that isn’t online, this is it. You can download it for free (or a donation) here. I’ve used both Digital Expressions and Live Journal in the past. As much as I liked them both, Red Notebook offers a basic digital journal offline. There is no privacy setting to set. The possibility of accidentally sharing a post you did not wish to share is no longer an issue. It is simply a digital journal. Nothing more, nothing less. That said, it has quite a few features for a basic digital journal.
That is pretty much it. It has taken me years to figure out what works best for me, but I finally think I am there – at least until the next best thing comes along.
Lately I’ve come to realize that my life is about to fundamentally change yet again, and in some ways it already has. It is exciting, yes, but at the same time, I’ve found myself thinking about my past. At one time, I wanted to forget about my life in Bay City. Some parts of it were too painful to think about. I wanted to forget it even happened. Slowly I began to realize that I couldn’t ignore those experiences as they have helped make me the person I am today. In all honesty, it wasn’t all bad. If that were the case, one would hope that I had moved on long before I actually did.
In my efforts to get back to writing, I reread several of the blog posts I wrote over the last year or two. At times I nail it; at others, not so much. I will say that I have been true to myself. Fortunately, I have made peace with my past. It has not been easy. I keep thinking of how much time I’ve wasted. At the same time, I am at a place now in my life where when it is right, it will definitely be right. I now know precisely what I want. That should count for something, right?
More than anything, I am done wasting time on things that do not interest me at all. If I learned anything from my years in Bay City, I learned how much I love reading, writing, and learning in general. One of my favorite things is to discuss books and writing, or well-developed ideas. While I’ve been nurturing my love of reading and writing for some time now, something seemed to be missing. I wasn’t quite ready to jump into writing again. While I had no problem writing flash fiction or short stories, working on larger projects didn’t seem right. I wanted to ensure I had a good writing process in place, along with the best possible tools, before tackling something larger. I am finally closer to having that all in place. It is now a matter of consistently writing and deciding where to begin first.
I have to admit, I am lucky. I now know the right people to ask when I need a book recommendation or I am struggling with anything related to writing. I have all I need. It is now a matter of putting fingers to keyboard. Up next: A post describing some of the best resources I’ve discovered for writers. They are so worth it, even if it takes time to put everything in place. Hopefully someone else out there will find what I have to say useful. That is the entire reason why I blog.
Ramblings of a Misguided Blonde 