No matter how many times I start over again, it never gets old. I love feeling as though this time I may get it right. This time, there are many loose ends I need to complete. When I think about all I have experienced over the last five years, this isn’t surprising. First, I moved in with my grandmother in November 2012 to help take care of her. Nearing 88 years old at the time, she needed company and no longer wished to drive. Unfortunately, she became incredibly sick that winter and ended up needing nursing home care.
A year later, I decided to go back to school to earn my teaching degree. I started substitute teaching and taking classes. In April 2014, my other grandmother passed away. Even though I didn’t see her daily, I was close to her too. Shortly thereafter, my relationship with my boyfriend of 10 years dissolved in the worst way possible. In May it will be nearly four years, and it still hurts at times, even if I have no regrets about the outcome.
As I finished my classes and student teaching, my surviving grandmother became less active and generally sicker. She passed away just shy of her 92nd birthday. On Sunday, it will mark one year since she passed away. There are several other details I could include here, but I had to see for myself, in writing, some of the major events that have marked these last several years.
I am still going through my grandmother’s things and mine as well. I am still coming to terms with no longer being a student. When I returned to the classroom after almost exactly 10 years since I graduated from Michigan State University, I realized how much I missed it. Before I move ahead, it is necessary to appreciate where I have been.
It is now time for me to figure out what I want out of life. There are some non-negotiables. I will be a part of the canoe livery, I will have a teaching career, and I will eventually adopt. It is the personal details that I need to work out, and I have no idea where to begin. It is so tempting to compare myself to others and feel as though I should have accomplished more at this point in my life. I just have to remind myself that it is my life and no one else’s.