As a writer, I am struggling with how to properly tell the story of my friendship with W.M. throughout my college years. Even though we never really dated, there was something more than friendship there. If writing from my perspective, the story would have to include themes of romance and unrequited love. How do I tell the story fairly? I have no clue what really happened in the end, why he kept seeking me out, but it never went further than friendship. When I did try to write the story, the men in my writing group all appeared to come to the same conclusion: He must be gay. I don’t believe that to be the case. If that were the case, I would like to think that we were good enough friends that he could have told me. I did find it telling that they came to that conclusion after reading the story from my perspective.
I wish I knew what to do with the story. It is the reason why people study abroad and learn foreign languages. It is at least part of the reason why Spanish continues to play such a major role in my life.
W.M. and I had a major falling out several years ago now to the point where I haven’t thought about him in years. Yet, our friendship has been on my mind lately. The truth is that Michigan State wouldn’t have been the same without him. Alternative Spring Break and study abroad wouldn’t have been the same without him. My experiences in Mexico and Spain wouldn’t have been the same without him. Maybe it is fitting that he must have been on my mind as I am trying to figure out exactly what it is that I want in my personal life.
While the road ahead is straightforward professionally, that couldn’t be further from the truth when it comes to my personal life. Maybe that is why it has been on my mind so much lately. It has even taken over my dreams. Last night, as I cleaned out my blogroll and searched for new blogs, I came across quite possibly the most definitive list of qualities to look for in a man. I was actually toying with the idea of writing one myself (not here, but someplace way more private), but Ali over at Gimme Some Oven beat me to it. Here it is in all its glory: The list. There are only two things I would add: It would be nice not to have to cook alone, and he would have to like to read to some extent. I don’t mind cooking, but I can’t stand cooking alone. At the very least keep me company! Also, I love books and reading – anything to do with language. I don’t care as much about what he reads as long as we can intelligently talk about books.
Bottom line: There isn’t much to disagree with on her list. I completely understand when she talks about being too willing to compromise. There are some things that should remain non-negotiable. I learned this the hard way, and I would have saved myself a lot of time and energy if I hadn’t tried so hard to make things work. Sometimes things are meant to fail. I am much happier single than I ever was in a relationship. That is what scares me and keeps me up at night. Am I meant to be alone – or have I just not been in the right relationship yet?